And how in the world did I come

Thu, 26 Feb 2009 06:54:27 GMT

Holy shit. My life is so beautiful.

Mon, 03 Nov 2008 01:40:19 GMT

They told him to see the world, so he told them the World was in Chicago.

Her name is Rhae, and he met her while living through a London-overcast weekend in a foreign land twelve miles outside of Philadelphia. It was a invitation-only college visit that this weekend operated under the guise of...

So how does he do this, now that they're gone from each other, and the eleventh-hour attempts to find each other in the Philadelphia Airport, dodging the zealous overwatch of aiport security, proved fruitless? How does he make somebody two-thousand-one-hundred-and-thirteen miles away fall in love with him?

And how does he stay charmed?

And is he in love with the girl, or the ghost?

Is the feeling in his pleural cavity desire... or a stomach-ache?

Love he the person or the misery of his circumstance?

One way to find out, he thought.

How to Love Life

Wed, 24 Sep 2008 06:51:09 GMT

Now that no one reads this anymore, I can slap whatever the fuck I want to the face of this.

Updates: -President of Drama club. What the hell do I do? I am the Barack Obama of the Dramerica. I have a hard-on for change but I don't have any clue what to do and I'm the first to represent the color of my skin.

-Chairman (I'll have that fuckin' chair by any means, 'cause it's gotta be fumigated of all traces of Manoj) of Writer's Circle. What qualified me besides enthusiasm? If there were a graph displaying the quality of my average story (the y-axis) against time (the x-axis), it'd be mistaken for diagrams of common erectile dysfunctions.

In sum: no idea what to do. Getting it together, and then puttin' the smackdown on the officers for them to slave to my delegations. Juliana, did you get those announcements in? Jay, stop hittin' on Adrienne and get your asses on Thespian initiation. David Mandell... just... hit up the Yaz so we get a little less of that. Eddie: get your shit together man.

And my haircut? It's a great Russell Brand pretender, I know, but someone'll assume I've got the same kinda groomin' downstairs, and that, my friends, though more cushion for any kinda pushin', is unhygienic. There is no publicly acceptable way of demonstrating otherwise.

As well, my limp, borne from hitting the ground at thirty coming down Mt. Diablo on Sunday in front of a car, gives me a striking resemblance to House - generally irritable.

Enough, you probably weren't itchin' for that bitchin', so:

I did see something beautiful today.

Remember when Jesse came out in Drama, all that time ago? In the middle of Chip's exercise?

She's always been made fun of for not being feminine in any traditional sense, but -

"I've felt this way before; I can play this character. I've felt this way because the girl I was in love with was straight."

- today, lost in my misery limping through the band rooms, I saw it. I saw it all I needed to.

Jesse holding hands with her girlfriend, looking at each other like Apollo 13 from the moon at the earth, like I'd never seen.

Hope.

Then Christina Robert bounced cheerily out of the band room and spoke to me, maintaining our smiles 'til I left and fathership backhanded me with college shit.

I love my life.

Fri, 25 Apr 2008 05:13:40 GMT

I'm okay.

Tue, 11 Mar 2008 06:10:02 GMT

I am a shell of a man!

You have made... seafood of me! Damn!

Nobody Does it Better

Mon, 10 Mar 2008 09:02:09 GMT

Nobody does it better.

Makes me feel sad fooorrr the reeessst.

Nobody does it... quuuuiiiittteee as good as me!

Baby, I'm the beeeesssssst!

Nobody does it

Quite the way I doooooo.

Why do I have to be soooo goooood?

Sat, 01 Mar 2008 04:41:14 GMT

366 days ago... her songs are time machines.

Thu, 28 Feb 2008 06:05:25 GMT

Actually, having just opened another twenty-four (yeah... it was tough) college letters with my katana - it doubles well as an effective if not unwieldy and dangerous letter-opener - I retract that statement about Whitman and extend it to every college but NYU, Amherst, Williams, and Kenyon.

"I, Dean of Admissions at so and so and thus master of the universe, am thuper-thtoked about your high school achievements. Please apply now so we look good when we decline you. Thankth."

I'm being petty, but could you not seem like such smug assholes?

Thu, 28 Feb 2008 02:13:46 GMT

Whitman College says, "I'm impressed Eddie, with your great academic achievements so far in high school."

You know my PSAT score, not what I've done. I will not be a number to you. Fuck you.

Tue, 26 Feb 2008 06:32:55 GMT

Oh daydreamer, sit down and don't look
I'm gluin' your shoes to the ground.

Sat, 23 Feb 2008 05:28:56 GMT

Last night I dreamt... I was Superman.

Even though your life was wasted doesn't mean that I should save it.

I'll sit at home, I'll watch TV.

Go ahead and cry, I won't give a damn. It doesn't matter; I'm Superman.

If there are tall buildings in your way, speeding locomotive rolls your way?

I'll fly away.

Listen listen, don't let your civilian ears glisten with retreat before I'm through

Thu, 21 Feb 2008 02:39:35 GMT

Sitting here trying to make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, make up my mind, and make up my mind.

I wish I could tell you everything but you don't read this and the people who do don't care and you're not even the one I want to see this because she cut me out of herself and left me by the gutter during great rainstorms thunder-and-all while she was inside fighting her own battles and I waited, waited too long for her to come back out because time passes and so do people and I hope she don't see this because the dead ain't worth reviving and if I had the heart to ask you I would but my chest cavity's a vacuum and I haven't a mind to fool me into my heart's likeness.

If I could make up my mind for this heart, jazz girl, I would, but what've you got to show me; show me what I can get for the price but don't mind my selfishness 'cause you gotta end up taking me too if I ever make you the one I'm set on wanting.

Oh, you're nothing like her, nothing at all.

(everything I'm saying gets to bein' more Gertrude Stein as I'm diggin' deeper and deeper into things I shouldn't see but own anyways)

Mon, 18 Feb 2008 02:58:01 GMT

Forgive me, forgive me, forgivemeology.

Thu, 14 Feb 2008 04:43:30 GMT

I want it to rain without me getting wet.

Sorry Julia, but I think that's as simple as I get...

Fri, 08 Feb 2008 02:10:20 GMT

Wed, 06 Feb 2008 04:19:33 GMT

"So mum, whom're you voting for?"

"Hillary."

"For what reasons? I mean, as opposed to Obama or any of the Republicans?"

"Because she's a woman."

"What?"

"Because she is a woman."

"What? Mum, do you know horribly ironic that is?"

"How's it ironic? A lot of people aren't voting for her simply because she's a woman, and I'm a woman, obviously."

"Yes! That's why it's ironic! What traits do those idiots associate with women that make them against Hillary? The inability to make rational choices and such, right?"

"Yeah."

"Well, you aren't making any rational choices simply by voting for her because she's a woman! That's irony defined, mum!"

"Oh. I'm just against those people against women."

"This isn't about whom you're against, this is about whom you're FOR!"

" ... "

"Okay, well, what is it about Obama that makes you sway your vote to Hillary?"

"Because he's black."

"...what the FUCK? I mean, well, sorry. Didn't mean to swear."

"Well yeah, he's black."

"MUM! He's half-black, raised in Indonesia, and on top of that his father was raised a Muslim."

"So he's a terrorist too?"

"MUM! What the fu - ah!"

"Just messing with you, Eddie. Imagine all that I just said but times a few million. That's the rest of America."

"Goddamn. Maybe the Electoral College does make more sense."

Mon, 28 Jan 2008 08:14:49 GMT

I am toppling, and my many pieces are too much to catch.

Wed, 23 Jan 2008 04:15:01 GMT

HolyInstantRice: it would be so awkward to have sex with claire. vance would never let me step foot in the bike shop again

kristinlovesAAR: please dont.

kristinlovesAAR: shes 9 yearsold...

kristinlovesAAR: and thats only if he found out

HolyInstantRice: i think i'll fuck whomever i damn well please, thanks

HolyInstantRice: even if she's six-and-a-half

kristinlovesAAR: ok. fuck her. see if i care

HolyInstantRice: maybe i will! (goes out to buy condoms)

kristinlovesAAR: fine. see if i ever pleasure YOU again.

HolyInstantRice: you never pleasured me, ho!

kristinlovesAAR: or so you reme,ber

Auto Response from HolyInstantRice: Out buying condoms.

kristinlovesAAR: ahahahahahahah

kristinlovesAAR: eddie?

kristinlovesAAR: i have a question

kristinlovesAAR went away at 8:05:43 PM.

HolyInstantRice: okay... size "magnum." got the right size. yeah?

Auto Response from kristinlovesAAR: having sex with anyone that is NOT eddie

HolyInstantRice: hahahaha!

kristinlovesAAR returned at 8:06:12 PM.

kristinlovesAAR: ok

kristinlovesAAR: so, lets put this behind us, and you can put it behind me

HolyInstantRice: maybe it's too late.

kristinlovesAAR: wait,

Auto Response from HolyInstantRice: Out USING those condoms! Consider this closure, bitch!

kristinlovesAAR: come back!

kristinlovesAAR: i want to talk to you

kristinlovesAAR went away at 8:08:24 PM.

HolyInstantRice: okay maybe i overestimated my stamina.

Auto Response from kristinlovesAAR: im pregnent with eddie's baby

HolyInstantRice: oh God

kristinlovesAAR returned at 8:08:51 PM.

kristinlovesAAR: ok.

Auto Response from HolyInstantRice: Abort! Abort!

kristinlovesAAR: lets stop conversing with our away messages

HolyInstantRice: okay

kristinlovesAAR: loo

Auto Response from HolyInstantRice: No.

kristinlovesAAR: lol

HolyInstantRice: haha... okay i'm done.

kristinlovesAAR: what?

kristinlovesAAR went away at 8:10:01 PM.

HolyInstantRice: nothing.

Auto Response from kristinlovesAAR: friendship terminated

HolyInstantRice: oh.

kristinlovesAAR returned at 8:10:33 PM.

kristinlovesAAR: jk

Auto Response from HolyInstantRice: Hopefully just like the baby.

kristinlovesAAR went away at 8:10:52 PM.

kristinlovesAAR: what?

HolyInstantRice: no, never mind. abortion is bad

Auto Response from kristinlovesAAR: its twins

kristinlovesAAR returned at 8:11:29 PM.

kristinlovesAAR: i agree

Auto Response from HolyInstantRice: You already have a set of twins...

kristinlovesAAR: ahahahah

kristinlovesAAR: i love yoiu

HolyInstantRice: i love you too!

kristinlovesAAR: PASSIONATely

kristinlovesAAR: i wonder if anyone else saw that...

kristinlovesAAR: because it was WAY too hilariou

HolyInstantRice: we have to put that up on livejournal.

kristinlovesAAR: fo sho

kristinlovesAAR: yup

Wed, 23 Jan 2008 01:39:05 GMT

To Heath Ledger, whom I will never get to meet but still think was a hot hunk of man-meat:

Sat, 19 Jan 2008 23:50:29 GMT

Sat, 12 Jan 2008 05:44:55 GMT

Oh, if you'd only pick up the phone.

That way, our current universe would set off on a tangent, rippling the fabric of the space-time continuum so as to have us betray our intended fates - the ultimate form of spiritual meaning and Kunderan "weight" - and manipulating reality in such a way that I am not crushed by a jet plane falling through my tiled roof and alabaster ceiling from twenty-eight days, six hours, forty-two minutes, and twelve seconds from now.

That actually involves copious amounts of time travel and an impossibly close resemblance to the plot of "Donnie Darko," but if you'd pick up your phone, we might have a conversation.

Which might change my universe.

Thu, 10 Jan 2008 08:03:29 GMT

I don't ever even need to say a word to her.

I could plant her in my backyard. I'd visit and water her everyday and bring blankets when it got cold, or when the stars came out. When the rains came, I'd probably have to build a shed.

But I'm poor, so she may have to make do with a tarp...

And there she'd be, my planted Julia.

Tue, 08 Jan 2008 08:23:06 GMT

But she can't make me feel like I'm walking on plywood stilts on the edge of my mind, on the edge of the universe...

Not quite as well as I.

(But you know that's a lie.)

Sun, 06 Jan 2008 09:07:44 GMT

KRISTIN!

YOOOUUUU HOOOOOOO!

That is all.

Sat, 05 Jan 2008 08:36:34 GMT

I call it "If the Moon Had a Love Song for the Earth But Had to Tell it Through Robots Who Haven't Found Love Yet."

/pseudo-intellectual rambling

You and I set soles in space black.
The steps we were going to take lit themselves ahead of us
By big bulbs above us in full moon's suspension
Held by their dull malachites,
Desaturated pinks and dianthus shades,
The occasional sepias, and forget-me-nots we only heard.
Notes from a melody set the spheres, refusing our ears
Dancing for our eyes only
In the outsides of a place where senses were only senses.

The steps we were going to take lit themselves ahead of us.
When the feet dipped left, we strode right, and it was ever right.